I want you to think deep into your past.

When you were a child, what were your hopes and dreams? Do you find humor in what your child-self found so cool for your adult-self?  Or, were your that well-grounded child who knew what they wanted and not only achieved it, but with honors?

I wanted to be a hairstylist.  I wanted that Barbie head with beautiful long blond hair that I could style to my fingers content. I never got that glorious toy, so I resorted to the next best thing. My brother. I had him convinced that I could trim his hair and make him look like the stud he was. And he BELIEVED me!!

There was no evil laugh at the time while I was holding the scissors.  I truly thought I could do it. I can picture my brother and I standing in the bathroom, I maybe 7 or 8. Today, laughter creeps up in the true deep belly laugh every time I think about it. I ruined my brother’s hair!

Moments like these make me realize I was confident in myself once.

I lost that confidence somewhere. Maybe it was after my brother freaked out; I mean, it will grow back, bro!  But seriously, by the time adulthood arrived, I wasn’t very confident in myself. Where did it go, would I ever get it back, and did I fully realize it was gone?

Can you relate to a missing spark within?

Realizing now, I was so weak in my self-confidence I sabotaged many good things. I was arrogant. And not the cocky, I am better than you arrogant, but I was going to hurt you before you hurt me arrogance. The biggest guard was safely secured, and my bitchy attitude was proof. I became safe in running away from conflict, and safe in having a limit with relationships.

Basically, if there was conflict or friendship, I ran. 

Safety of my heart first!  Why do we protect ourselves by sabotaging ourselves?

The beautiful end to this story, is it is not over yet. At any point, the choice can be made to rewrite or tweak it. There is a learning curve to letting people into our lives intimately.

Knowing who to fully open, partly close, and who to slam the door in their face becomes easier to decipher as you become more confident in yourself.

I noticed as I became more confident, I also became more receptive of how people interacted with me.  I also decided that I reject the idea of keeping friends close but enemies closer. I choose happiness.  Being close to enemies keeps you close to negativity. I would rather, keep acquaintances close, and friendships closer.

We strive for happiness, and being around genuine friends is the best way to maintain a positive balance in life.


Do you need to re-write your story?


One thought on “Discovery

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  1. Reading your post, I got very wistful, especially when thinking about childhood again. I don’t go back to those days very often because, like many others, my childhood wasn’t really the happiest. I was more the caretaker at 6 than I was the child and I feel like I lost out on a lot of things. I can’t even remember what I wanted to be when I grew up and even in my 40s, I’m still figuring it out. I did, however, get a chuckle out you playing hairdresser with your brother’s hair haha! Now that’s a good memory!


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