Real Talk

I’ve started researching a game plan for 50k training.  Looking at the training plans I’ve seen I know it is going to be physical, and I know it’s going to take perseverance, dedication,and personal willpower.  What surprises me is the common agreement of an emotional journey an ultra marathon takes you on.  It’s been said numerous times ultra running is 10% physical and 90% mental.  And because of that it is advised to have your emotional baggage in check.

I don’t know what to think about that.  I don’t see myself in the hear-and-now being without control of my emotional well being, but there are areas of my life that I have tucked away.  I think many of us do.  Training for this ultra marathon has me pondering how I will handle my emotions when they hit.  Will they hit me while I am training on a long 20 mile run, or is it when I will be digging deep during the race?

My why to chase this dream has been for myself.  There have been so many times I didn’t do what I wanted because I didn’t believe in myself.  I definitely didn’t feel worthy and if I did do it, I looked like a lost dog who has been looking for home for weeks.  Sometimes I find myself falling back into that self-doubt rut, but I am able to rapidly climb out.  I am stronger now.  I believe in myself, and I know my worth.  But, there are still those areas tucked away.  How will this journey bring them to the surface, or if it even will?

My research has also shown me there are days you don’t want to run, but you have to get your training it because if you don’t it will show on race day.  Having a reason, either someone or a cause, will help give you that motivation to get you out the door.  You can’t run on motivation, but it an kick start you to get out and begin.  I want my reason (other than personal growth) to be powerful.  I don’t have a person or cause right now, and I am okay with that because my training hasn’t started.  I know the right reason will find me.  Running is a privilege.  One I took advantage of for many years through self-doubt.

I am excited for this road to a 50k. I am eager to see where it takes me physically and mentally.  I know I will have my days of pure struggle and the triumphant days of joy.  In the end I will have pride.  Pride for myself.  Pride for the sport.  Pride for my supporters.  Pride for God allowing me to have this journey.

One of my first liberating life-changing lessons learned is be patient and let things happen.  “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of it’s own.”  Mathew 6:34